Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Happy Is Happy

Normally, I am kinda Grinchy about the holidays. They seem to be so full of stress, pressure, bizarre expectations and quite frankly, I sometimes wish I could skip over this part of the year. I just usually put on a happy face, close my eyes and hope for the best. However, this year was a pleasant surprise. I have to admit that I genuinely enjoyed Christmas this year!

What is normally a scheduling nightmare, finding a way to coordinate a day when the whole family can get together this year was a dream - for all THREE (there is my mom, Clark's family and my dad) of the family Christmases I have. It all fell into place perfectly. My work schedule, which always seems to throw a monkey wrench or into the mix, didn't even present a single conflict. Talk about a Christmas miracle!

I also genuinely enjoyed my time at all three gatherings. Everyone was in a good mood and all around joyful. There was absolutely no drama and I am proud to report that I did in no way ruin or nearly ruin Christmas for any innocent children (click here for a refresher of Christmas 2011).

There were stockings full of special moments and memories that I will keep with me forever. I was also fortunate to receive so many thoughtful and generous gifts. However, there is one gift that I didn't expect at all but one that I will never forget.

I am one of those people that saves and reuses gift bags and boxes from birthday and Christmas gifts. This year, in the midst of wrapping presents, I was digging thought gift bags I had kept from previous years when I found this near the bottom of the stack:



It caught me by such surprise! My heart jumped in my chest and I instantly felt warm and tingly. It was like Simon's little way of sending me a present. And what a gift it truly was. I will cherish it forever.

I hope that this year, Christmas (or your holiday of celebration) was not just tolerable but a little extra magical too!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

It Took a Pair of Bright Blue Balls...

The other day, I was driving behind a dark gray truck on the freeway. As I signaled and glided over to the middle lane, It didn't take long for me to realize that I was not following just any truck. This truck had man parts. Bright blue balls dangling from the hitch, specifically. I cocked my head to the side, leaned forward and squinted my eyes as I remarked at this peculiar display.

I have to say that I was nothing short of perplexed. Bright blue balls...dangling on a hitch. What exactly was the message here? Maybe he is an optimist trying to make a statement, "Hey! I lost the twig, but still have the giggle-berries!" Was it a clever infidelity punishment by an angry girlfriend? Or maybe it was an incredibly desperate plea, "Ladies, its been awhile. Please help a brother out...."

In reality, it was probably some sort of strange redneck expression of manhood...hmmm. I don't really get it. First of all, beautiful as they are, large hanging testicles are not really all that impressive. Never once have I been smitten with the notion of this. Not once have I thought, "Wow, you have giant nuts?! You must make tons of sperm and get lots of girls pregnant. Swoooon!" Nope. In fact, I may have just grossed myself a tad.

I find it really interesting that displaying male anatomy on the back of a pickup truck is supposed to convey manliness. If it does, then wouldn't hanging a pair of big droopy boobies be considered an equal display of womanhood? Can you imagine?! What the hell would people think if I had a lovely plastic uterus (sparkly purple, of course) and matching ovaries for the back of my red Saturn hatchback? I guarantee it would not be about how womanly I must be. 

In any case, I have to be grateful for these testies - and I am. I have not posted a blog since July. I guess I had a six month long, unfortunate lack of inspiration/bout of writer's block. It took a pair of bright blue balls to get me writing again and while I am happy about that, I am really afraid of what it says about me.